Can We Grow Through Grief: A Spiritual Journey

Almost everyone you know has been in a state of grief at one time or another. The question is – Can we grow through grief? It has to be a spiritual journey.

Many of you know the story of us losing our son. Because of our grief journey, we have been able to encourage others who are on that path.

Although it is not an easy road, I can say that it is possible to grow through grief, if you allow the Lord to go with you on that spiritual journey.

Everyone’s grief is completely different. The relationships are different, and so are our feelings and the way we handle them.

Jay’s Grief Testimony

In the post, Is it Possible to Grieve with Grace and Joy, I share part of my grief journey. The post you see here is part of Jay’s and in his words.

Our Hope

When we lost our 29 year old son to Leukemia in 2019, we were devastated.  We begged and pleaded for God to spare him for 17 months.  He was in remission for 8 months still taking treatments before relapsing.  We even were convinced he would go into remission again, never doubting he would survive and live a long, happy, normal life. 

I stood fast to the 118^th Psalm, especially verse 17, “I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.”  I have my son’s name written there in my Bible.

Another Plan

Unfortunately, the Lord had other plans and Jacob had a brain bleed Jan 17, 2019 while in the hospital.  I was with him all alone. 

Long story short, I had to make the decision whether or not to try and save him.  He could have died on the operating table, or, if he survived, he could have had major brain damage.  Fortunately, his oncologist took me aside and told me that if he survived and didn’t have brain damage, he would still never leave the hospital because the Leukemia was too far gone. 

A Hard Decision

Our son was full of life, laughter, and love.  If he couldn’t live a full life, he would not want to be here.  As hard as it was, it was an easy decision.  He lived 8 hours after I made the decision. 

God gave us time for Susan, our daughter’s family, and Jacob’s wife and daughter to get to the hospital and have time with him, although he was non-responsive.  Worse day of our lives!

As soon as his heart took its’ last beat, I begin praying aloud a prayer of worship and thanksgiving because I knew it was God’s will.  I definitely didn’t understand, and it was by no means my choice, but I rejoiced even as hard as it was.

The Holy Spirit’s Comfort

In the days to come, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and showed me several things that could only come from Him.  I have been able to share with and comfort others because of our experience and our Great God! 

Growing Through Grief

• As much as I wanted to take my son’s place or stop the disease all together, I couldn’t.  God could have stopped His Son’s death but He wouldn’t because of His great love for me and all mankind.
• We don’t want to give up the relationships as we know them here on earth.  That’s all we know.  However, they will be even greater in Heaven.  There is nothing on this earth that is better than what is in Heaven.  I don’t know what my relationship with Jacob will be in Heaven, but I know it will by far exceed how good it was here!

• Psalm 118 – I was convinced the Lord would not let my son die.  He didn’t. I know that and I’m sure you do too.  Let me elaborate.
  • I’m not saying the Leukemia was chastening Jacob but I know all he went through was severe.  Jacob was righteous through Jesus Christ and the gates were opened to him because Jesus is his salvation.  He entered into God’s presence and I KNOW he gave thanks to the Lord.
  • Notice in verse 17, “I…will proclaim what the Lord has done.”  You see, every time I share this with someone, my son is proclaiming what the Lord has done.  As I tell others, perhaps sometimes they share as well to encourage someone else of God’s goodness.  That too is Jacob proclaiming what the Lord has done.
  • I was clinging to Psalm 118 especially pertaining to physical life.  God granted my prayer, not necessarily in the specifics of which I prayed it, but in a much bigger, most spectacular way, according to His will.

Other Verses

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9

God’s ways and thoughts are so much bigger than ours, beyond our understanding.

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“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
I Corinthians 13:12

Mirrors in Paul’s days were not like our mirrors are today.  They were primarily a piece of copper or metal beaten flat where you could get an idea rather than a very clear picture.  One day, we will see the whole picture and praise God for it!

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“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Matthew 7:7-8

As we ask, seek, and knock we may not receive what we thought was best but receive the prefect will of God.

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“The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.”
Isaiah 57:1

We don’t know what God may be protecting His saints from down the road of life and He may be sparing us as He takes us home.

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“Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.” Luke 22:42

Not that we are anything close to who Jesus is, but even Jesus asked specifically for the cup to be removed but even He received God’s will in response to His prayer.

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I think God answers our prayers the way we really want them answered – according to His will.  That doesn’t always make it easy but one day we will be ever so grateful.

Join Us

I hope in some way Jay’s testimony of grief has been an encouragement to you. When the waves of grief hit, may these scriptures be a blessing to you!

And yes, it is possible to grow through grief!

Songs

I love both of these songs, because they are songs with raw emotions! The Lord already knows how we feel. We can go to Him in prayer with our raw emotions, even when it is hard.

• Flowers by Samantha Ebert (feat. Seph Schlueter)
• Hard Fought Hallelujah

Related Posts

Is It Possible to Grieve with Grace and Joy
Time Lessons: Like Sands Through the Hourglass
Blessings Beyond the Rut

If you are not familiar with these songs, I encourage you to listen closely to the lyrics.

Until next time,

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“When I am filled with cares, Your comfort brings me joy.” Psalms 94:19